i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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