I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need to calm my uterus...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
