he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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