your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize