Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
