MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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