why didn't you poke me back
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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