I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How naked do you want me to be?
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