She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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