he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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