Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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