i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
