you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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