Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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