He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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