when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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