In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize