So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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