Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
