Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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