Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize