I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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