96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
