I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
