I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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