you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
