Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
