it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
