So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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