I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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