Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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