Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
