Im at strip club and am horny
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize