Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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