I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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