Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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