at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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