I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I believe in your delicious
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
