Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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