I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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