The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
