what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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