dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
