I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
