...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
