He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize