How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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