so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
