He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
