i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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