Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
