john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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