oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
