You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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