We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
