So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
