I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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