she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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