he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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